The Hobby Hoarder Speed Dates: Speed Dating

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“You’re a racist.” This isn’t exactly the first thing you’d like to hear on a first date–but it’s how my seventh date, in one night, almost instantly opened up our conversation. We were twenty seconds into our five minute date and I had already wishes that I could sprint to the bell and ring it to signify next–How was I going to get through this speedy date that seemed to be going in slow motion?” -Excerpt from upcoming essay.

I went to speed-dating with three thoughts on my mind:

1. To prove that speed-dating could indeed be a hobby.

2. The rest of my life seems to be on speed (not me–my life), so maybe if I pump up the dating process and the amount of prospects, it might actually work out this time around.

3. I may find some comedy material.

And I indeed did. Here’s an excerpt from the evening:

“I am a high school teacher, guess what subject I teach…”-Male #7
“Um. Is that what you wear to teach?”-Me
“Nope.”-Male #7
“Um. Math?”
“Libby, you are such a racist–just because I am Asian…” – Male #7
::Sulks:: “I am not racist. What subject do you teach?”
“PE”-Male #7
“Oh what sports do you play?” -Me
Wait for it….

“Ping-Pong” -Male #7

“This speed dating is crazy…It’s like us males are just being served to you on a plate for you ladies to judge…It’s awful.”   -Male #12
“You mean it’s like life…”  – Me

I did, however, make a match or two. Not so bad for speed dating.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 NY Easy Dates

A Guide to Speed Dating

Have your own speed dating experiences? Share them in the comments section.
Got tips for future speed dating adventures? Share those too.
Got a speed dating success story? Send it over!
Email thehobbyhoarder@gmail.com if you’d like a featured piece on your own speed dating experience on the site!

My best tips?
1. Dress like you. A lot of people may tell you to do yourself up, but if you do indeed hit it off with someone, they may be disappointed to find out that you were faking your style. Just be you and the rest will come.
2. Don’t talk about speed dating while speed dating. Treat it like a real date. You wouldn’t say: “Wow isn’t it crazy we are on a date right now”–unless it was absolutely crazy that you were on a date with someone you never thought you’d be on a date with.
3. Don’t call the opposite person a racist.
4. Compliment the other person the moment they sit down.
5. Don’t have expectations. Just enjoy the new company and see where it takes you.

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About libs012

Stand up comedian, writer, filmmaker, and associate producer.

One response »

  1. Gregg Scully

    “Wait for it….” Brilliant.

    Reply

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